I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Randomize
