so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize