the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
