So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
