Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
