he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
