im six kinds of drunk right now
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize