got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
