please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
