i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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