I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
