SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
