Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
