i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
