and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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