I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
