Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
