What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
