I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You've changed since you got that strap on
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
