um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
if only i could text you this smell
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
