im six kinds of drunk right now
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
