this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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