Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I think I just sharted jello shots
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