we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
