Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
