Just cropdusted the office
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
tell me about the eggs
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