This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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