I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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