He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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