Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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