So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
