Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
