also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Duck Duck Cougar?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
