The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
When are your genitals available?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
