i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
