gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Me too!
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
