do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We don't watch enough power rangers
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
