somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
