Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
