Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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