6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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