After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
17 year olds will be the death of me.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
