She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
