i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
