There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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