Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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