i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
