I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
