Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
