The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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