I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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