at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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