Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
