I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
