Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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