East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I could make wine with my vomit
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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