thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
