I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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