He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
