the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Why are your pants in the freezer?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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