You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
