It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
