Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
