didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i need an iv and a liver transplant
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
