You really coming over, don't trick.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
