a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
