You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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