drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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