he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
