I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
